Judith J. Katz
This unit takes students through a four-stage process in order to achieve a fluency with the intellectual idea of grief and loss. "The process of learning is a journey from ideas to understanding to constructing and onwards. It is a journey of learning, unlearning, and overlearning […] or fluency of achievement […] there is over-learning when we consider a person fluent in a language or with a musical instrument. […] A sufficient level of fluency can lead to other desirable outcomes such as retention, endurance, stability, and application within a domain." (Hattie 30)
In order to create fluency it is necessary to create a series of exposures to the ideas we want the students to work with. This unit begins by exposing students to the Five Stages of Grief as developed by Marion Kubler-Ross and then invites students to use the vocabulary of the five stages while they are thinking, reading, and writing about grief and loss in the three creative mediums they will work with creatively: a memorial ceremony, an elegy, and a list poem.
In preparing yourself (the teacher) to work with teenagers in this most delicate emotional area it is important to remember that most teenagers are experiencing most of what they go through for the first time and that is scary for them. They also have a tendency to get most of their information from other teenagers and that means they are attached to a lot of incorrect information. But they are real people with real prior-knowledge and that prior-knowledge must be respected and accepted throughout this process or they will simply shut down and not trust you.
The Five Stages of Grief
Background Thinking: The five stages of grief as outlined by Marion Kubler-Ross are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The five stages of grief are experiential and not necessarily linear. And while one person may go through all five stages and another may not, each person is likely to find that the progression is recursive with dips back and forth through the stages over time…even over a lifetime. According to David Kessler, a colleague of Kubler-Ross:
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The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very
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misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck
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messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people
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have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our
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grief is as individual as our lives. The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining,
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depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning
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to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we
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may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not
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everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with
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these stages comes the knowledge of grief 's terrain, making us better equipped to
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cope with life and loss. (Kubler-Ross and Kessler)
It is not the intention of this unit to perform psychotherapy. The goal is to learn about the emotional journey of grief and to use that knowledge to deepen and broaden our ability to understand, explain, and create expressive means to share what we've learned and what we think and feel.
Oddly there is a fabulous and funny cartoon from the television show Adult Swim that shows a giraffe going through the Five Stages of Grief as he sinks in quick sand. The video is available on Youtube by entering Five Stage of Grief Giraffe. While I by no means endorse making fun of anyone's pain, I do find that humor is often a very effective way to get a point across. This video gives a quick overview of the Five Stages of Grief in a memorable, amusing, and easily recognizable way. It's a quick multi-modal way to build the vocabulary for discussing grief.
Creating a Memorial Ceremony
As a writing teacher in an Arts and Humanities school, I often have the honor of working with performing arts students who are in need of help expressing their thoughts in writing. Several years ago I worked with a 12
t
h
grade dance student (Ms. Pearson) who was creating her Senior Interdisciplinary Research Project (SIRP): a project that combined her art discipline (African Dance) with an academic subject (culture) to create a ten-page paper and a fifteen minute presentation of an original artwork.
In her research Pearson found many instances of African funeral dances as well as customs that included the making and breaking of a piece of pottery. She decided to create a mourning dance in honor of her father who had been murdered when she was five or six. She combined the customs she had discovered and created a memorial ceremonial dance. As the mourner she painted a medium sized terra cotta plant pot with symbols and images that were reminiscent of her father. She choreographed a traditional African dance for a group of eight dancers which she performed to a recording of African drumming. Before the dance began she placed the pot at the front center of the dance floor (facing the audience--who represented her tribe) At the end of the dance she was left alone in front of the pot. While the drums continued she raised the pot to the heavens and then brought it down quickly so that it smashed into pieces on the ground, freeing the spirit of the dead person and bringing relief to the mourner.
When she smashed the pot…there was an audible gasp from the audience. No one had expected it. After she smashed the pot she collapsed in tears. She told me afterwards that she had never cried for her father and that she had been holding all of her feelings and fears inside her since she was a child. She said this ceremony freed her and made her feel physically lighter.
While I was not able to find definitive examples of a specific culture or tribe that performed the exact memorial ceremony that Ms. Pearson performed in my research into mourning customs, I have found many instances of cultures worldwide that use aspects of the ceremony she developed. For example, the Gullah people of the American South use a drum beat to inform people that someone in town has died and sing, dance, pray and smash bottles and dishes at the graveside in order to "break the chain" so that no one else in the same family will soon die. (Opalah)
The Old Testament says that man comes from dust and returns to dust. Although Judaism does not allow open coffins, the closest family members are allowed to see the body before burial. When I saw my mother's body, her hands were crossed over her chest and she was wrapped in a fine muslin cloth. On top of her hands was a small white ceramic plate broken in half. This broken plate is both symbolic of breaking the worldly connection and is an echo of the breaking of a glass at a Jewish wedding. The breaking of the glass is a symbolic recollection of the tragedy of the Jewish loss of the ancient Temple and its inherent symbol of closeness to G-d. The breaking of the glass is a reminder that even at the pinnacle of worldly happiness there is a spiritual sadness. Likewise, at the moment of great worldly loss, there is the recollection of great worldly happiness. Another Middle Eastern symbolic idea related to clay pottery comes from the Egyptians who believe that "G-d created people on a potter's wheel." (Discover Armenia)
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The Hindu's also have customs that involve the breaking of a pot.
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The eldest son or the male member carries on his head, a water-filled clay pot and
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goes around the body thrice […] during each round, one brother-in-law makes a
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hole in the clay pot, from behind with a sharp edged knife, allowing the water to
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spill on the ground. When the third round is complete, the pot is thrown
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backwards over [the son's] head, allowing the pot to touch the tip of the edge of a
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spade and to break into pieces. [It] is symbolic of saying that when the departed
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was alive, the body was brimming with life [and with the breaking of the pot and
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emptying of the water] the body becomes empty of life and joins the earth. (Nair)
Lesson plan one discusses the development of a memorial ceremony based on the customs discussed above as well as on Ms. Pearson's memorial ceremony.
Safety Concerns, Administrative and Staff Support, Parental Permission
It is a good idea to get approval for this part of the unit from your principal, administrators, and parents prior to implementation. Since the intent of this activity involves a class of high school students standing in a circle in order to smash clay pots it is a very good idea to have appropriate permissions as well as an agreed-upon location (preferably outside) where this experience (which is a form of performance art) can occur. The janitorial staff should also be notified since you might need their help, supplies (brooms, trash bags, and garbage pail) in order to clean up after the activity. Be advised that if you choose to perform this activity off school grounds a city permit may also be required. Safety precautions are also outlined in the Lesson Plan One.
Reading and Writing the Elegy
Background Thinking: The elegy is a time-honored method of writing about loss. It is often a public acknowledgement of the feelings and thoughts the loss engenders in a person, a group of people, a community, even a country. One of the elements I find appealing about elegy is that its structure is malleable. As D.A. Powell writes in Structure and Surprise: Engaging Poetic Turns, "The structure of the elegy is difficult to pin down; in fact, the elegy is more a mode of thinking, or a complex set of conventions, than a single structure. An elegy often serves as an occasion for considering numerous issues from the political to the deeply personal, apart from the mourning of the dead." (83). The idea that the elegy is a mode of thinking appeals to the concept of this unit, which is to bring some metacognition to an area that is often very emotional.
Even though the elegy can lack a discernable structure or form, there are elements of writer's craft that repeat throughout the genre. As Mark Strand and Eavan Boland describe in The Making of a Poem;
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An elegy is a lament. It sets out the circumstances and character of loss. It mourns
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for a dead person, lists his or her virtues, and seeks consolation beyond the
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momentary event. Despite this, an elegy, unlike a metrical form, is not associated
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with any required pattern or cadence or repetition…In the traditional elegy the
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grief the poet expresses is rarely a private one…The best elegies will always be
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sites of struggle between custom and decorum on the one hand, and private
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feeling on the other (167).
The following elegy was written by my student Troy Smith, 11
t
h
grade. Mr. Smith has been majoring in Creative Writing at Co-op since his freshmen year and this elegy has been through roughly six revisions. It is reprinted here with Mr. Smith's permission:
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He's On His Way
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By Troy Smith (17)
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Breaking News
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He's passed on, at such a young age.
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countless phone calls are made to
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inform his family and friends of this
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breaking news. Watery tears flow down
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cheeks to exemplify the hurt and pain
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of his death. Another young life lost.
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Memories
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They reminisce over him, wishing they
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could have embraced him for the last
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time. His life is examined from
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beginning to end. His squeaky laugh
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brings smiles and reflections of when
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they first heard it. His intelligence
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is acknowledged and his soul will live
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on in them.
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Life
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Originally people perceived him as a
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quiet individual. That's only because
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they didn't give him a chance to open
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up. He was a writer, a son, a brother,
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a nephew, and a caring person who prayed
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to G-d daily and wanted to leave a legacy
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for his peers. He was a blessing in disguise.
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Affection
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His peers literally spend days remembering
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all of the times they shared in Reality.
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Males and females converse through laughter
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and sobs about the kind of person he was.
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Teachers speak about how intelligent he was
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for his age, followed by more tears of sorrow.
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What he meant to them, they never got to say,
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Until the news came of him meeting his dying day.
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Family
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The son of two Seventies babies, burying
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their son who was far from your average
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person. He was his baby brother's role
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model and father figure. All of his family
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members have separate but fond memories of
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something beautiful this boy has done. Now
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he gets to meet his other uncle, reunite
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with his grandmother and cousins who met
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their fate before him.
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Funeral
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A congregation of people from all walks
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of life come to mourn and celebrate his
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life. His spirit cries at how many come
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to see him for one last time, because in
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Reality he would've never guessed. It'll
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be easier for some to let go than others,
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they'll continue to grieve even after the
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funeral is over. Some may even express
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themselves over the microphone about what
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the preacher could not, for they knew and
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spent time with him.
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Burial
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His casket slowly descends to the ground,
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like many others before him. Everyone
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stares at it, still not wanting to believe
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that he's not here. Whether you realize it
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or not, I loved every single one of you
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as much as I loved myself.
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He came to say it through his writing,
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his laughter, and the times he shared
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with you. Now that he's at rest, he'll do
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it spiritually, until we meet again at the
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Place we all originally come from.
The following is a list of famous and well written elegies that are easily accessible in anthologies, on various websites, and in some cases in audio or video versions. Some websites that I frequently use and recommend to my students are: www.poets.org http://www.poetryfoundation.org/; www.pw.org; http://www.loc.gov/poetry/180/.
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Maya Angelou, "Elegy for Michael Jackson" (Very contemporary and accessible)
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W.H. Auden, "Funeral Blues" (aka: "Stop All the Clocks". There is a powerful performance of this poem by John Hannah in the film Four Weddings and A Funeral)
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W.H. Auden, "In Memory of W.B. Yeats (Part III)"
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Mary Jo Bang, "The Role of Elegy"
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Nathaniel Bellows, "Elegy"
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John Berryman, "Dream Song 324: An elegy for WCW, the lovely man"
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Gwendolyn Brooks, "the rites for Cousin Vit"
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Thom Gunn, The Man With Night Sweats (This is a book of elegies)
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Garrett Hongo, "The Legend: In memory of Jay Kashiwamura"
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Ben Johnson, "On My First Son"
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Kenneth Koch, "A Momentary Longing to Hear Sad Advice from One Long Dead"
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W.S. Merwin, "On the Anniversary of My Death"
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Pablo Neruda, "A Dog Has Died"
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Walt Whitman, "O Captain! My Captain!"
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Lesson Plan 2 discusses some strategies for teaching reading and writing of the Elegy.
Reading and Writing the List Poem
Background Thinking: The List Poem is a deceptive piece of writing. It seems so easy…what could be easier than writing a list? But in order to write a compelling List Poem a writer has to answer the question why. Why this list? Why this group of emotions, understandings, tangible or intangible items or ideas? In his seminal book on poetic form The Handbook of Poetic Form, Ron Padget describes the list poem:
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A list poem (also called a 'catalog poem') is a very old form of poetry. It consists
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of the itemization of things or events. List poems can be of any length, rhymed or
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unrhymed. The original purpose of this descriptive, repetitive form was often
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functional. For instance, Polynesian list poems formed an inventory of all the
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islands in Polynesia. (100)
Everyone knows a list poem. This Little Piggy is a very basic list poem. One of the more sophisticated forms of the list poem is called a Blazon. The Blazon itemizes the qualities of a loved one. Our objective in writing the list poem is to be closer to the Blazon than to the Piggies. In this part of the unit, we are seeking to use the simplicity of the list poem as a means of deciding what and why. What do we want to carry away from our grief? What part of the person, place, or thing we are grieving over do we want to hold onto and why? The power of writing the list poem at this point in our process is to choose what we want to carry rather than have the entire weight of grief bear down on us until we can't carry anything but the grief.
Here are examples of List Poems written by my former students Danielle Ardizonne, Desimone Carr, and Emily Kirchner, each written in 2003 and reprinted with the author's permission. Their class read poems from the book What Have You Lost? Collected and edited by Naomi Shihab Nye. Their assignment was to write a set of List Poems inspired by what they had lost, what they had found, and a moment that has no name.
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In The Midst of Daily Life
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by Danielle Ardizzone
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I've lost in the midst of daily life numerous pens (replaceable friends for a writer)
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I've lost in the midst of daily life the dolphin necklace I thought was magical
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I've lost in the midst of daily life the fairy tale book I never got to read
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I've lost to the seasons of maturity my "black days" of entrapment
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I've lost to the seasons of maturity my feelings of inferiority
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I've lost to the seasons of maturity my anxiety, which controlled me
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I've lost to the seasons of maturity my violent habits
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I've lost in the winds of time my elfin friend's daily presence, to distance
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I've lost in the winds of time my father to illness
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I've lost in the winds of time sixteen years
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This is What I've Found Out
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by Desimone Carr
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As I grow I realize I've found happiness every time I think about my love
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As I grow I realize I've found real friends who stay true
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As I grow I realize I've found maturity within myself making more clever
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decisions
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As I grow I realize I've found love from friends when I least expected it
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As I grow I realize I've found reliability in my mother
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As I grow I realize I've found relaxation in my home
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As I grow I realize I've found that I can deeply relate to soothing R & B music
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As I grow I realize I've found improvement in expressing my thoughts
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As I grow I realize I've found prosperity in my fantasies
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As I grow I realize I've found honesty even when it hurts
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Moments With No Name
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by Emily Kirchner
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When you're so immersed in a book, you miss the characters when it's done
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When you won't catch what you're looking for, but you continue to run
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When you've planned out all the words to say, but your lips are paralyzed
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When you realize you could have gotten your way, but you compromised
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When you sit on a swing in a distant playground, reflecting on a dream
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When you learn that everyone you know is different than they seem
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When you fear you'll drown inside the silence in your head
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When you find refuge under a blanket and never want to leave your bed
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When you catch a glimpse into a mirror and barely recognize your face
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When you lose yourself in fantasy, transcending time and space.
Additional selections for readings in the area of List Poems include:
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"What Have You Lost by Naomi Shahib Nye
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The Things They Carry by Tim O'Brien (While technically this is a short story O'Brien's use of detailed lists containing the tangibles and intangibles the soldiers carry could easily be read as highly effective and affecting prose poetry. His title and writing inspired part of the title and concept of this unit.)
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Lesson 3 discusses some teaching strategies for reading and writing the List Poem.