Judith J. Katz
Objective: To reinforce the elements of the common vocabulary as writing tools, checklist, and means of discussion. To give students critique power.
Why it works:
In the past my students have gloried in my bad writing far more than they enjoy my good writing. This technique is invaluable as it gives my students the power to use what they know without any risk of hurting the feelings of a fellow student. It also gives me the opportunity to model how constructive criticism can be taken well and used as a means for editing and improving one's work.
Strategies: Writing really bad Haiku as good pedagogy
-
1. Put a really bad Haiku on the board: I'll use this one
-
I love my dog Fluffy
-
He is really, really loud
-
And also funny and a fast runner.
-
-
____
Judith Katz
-
2. Ask the class to read and critique the Haiku using the elements of common vocabulary
-
3. Make notes on the board
-
4. Circle poetic problems in another color
-
5. Let the students call out freely (unless the class can't handle that much freedom)
-
6. Gather as much criticism as you can
-
7. See line-by-line checklist below to make sure every possible element of the common vocabulary has been discussed.
-
8. Edit with the class: (Edit your own Haiku prior to class)
-
9. Task: Take 5 minutes to have each student use the elements of common vocabulary to fix the problems and see if they class improve the Haiku
-
10. When they're done have them put their "new" "improved" Haiku on the board
-
11. Discuss the improvements and the process they used to edit. Be prepared to reword their process answers to show how using the elements of common vocabulary helped.
Haiku problems line by line:
Line 1: I love my dog Fluff
-
• A statement not an observation
-
• 6 syllables
-
• I don't know anything about the dog or the person that paints a picture for me or takes me to a Haiku place or moment.
Line 2: He is really, really loud
-
• This is an observation, which is good. I know the dog is loud.
-
• Not Hosimi (slender). "Really" is used twice which is a waste of two syllables.
-
• "Really" is not needed once…either he's loud or he's not. Need to know how loud, or loud in what way. Descriptive detail would be better.
-
• Not Hosimi (slender). You probably won't need the words "he is" either.
Line 3: And also funny and a fast runner.
-
• Not Hosimi (slender) replace "and" with a comma. Saves you 2 syllables you can use for details.
-
• "Funny" and "fast runner" are good observations but examples that use detail would paint a better picture.
An Improved Second Draft
-
Dog resting on couch
-
Jumps awake. Barks, scratches door.
-
Mail delivery
Why it's better, but needs but could still improve
-
• Can see a dog doing things: resting, jumping, barking, scratching
-
• Can see a place: couch, door
-
• Can see why the dog does what it does in line: Mail carrier comes
-
• All big improvements
Why I don't love it, even though I wrote it.
-
• Wish I had a better picture of the way the dog looks: Collie, White dog.
-
• Wish I had a better picture of the way a dog goes crazy when someone comes to the door.
-
• I'm okay with the last line…it sums up why the dog did what it did
